Insidious in·sid·i·ous/inˈsidēəs/Adjective 1. Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects

This website gives great information about the motives and behaviors of ABUSERS.

http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/01/29/can-i-have-a-witness/

http://www.clicktoempower.org/

This information and more is available on the ABOVE website. Kudos to Allstate for starting this program. There is not enough support out there for DV.

Domestic violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors that one partner uses against a current or former intimate partner. It occurs in intimate relationships where the perpetrator and the victim are currently or previously have been dating, living together, married or divorced. They might have children in common or not.
Domestic violence is purposeful behavior. A batterer’s pattern of abusive acts is directed at achieving compliance and control over the victim. Tactics that work to control the victim are selectively chosen by the batterer. This power permeates every aspect of the victim’s life.
Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life, are predominantly female and are likely to take the blame for the battering or feel responsible.
Perpetrators of domestic violence also come from all walks of life, have the capacity to be very charming, move quickly into relationships and have a need for power and control and use both charm and assault behaviors to gain control.
Methods of power and control include:

• Isolation
• Verbal abuse & threats
• Destruction of property
• Physical battering
• Sexual abuse and coercion
• Stalking
• Financial control

The effects of domestic violence can last a lifetime. Physical injuries are just one part of power and control.

• The average divorce involving domestic violence can last 2-4 years.
• The financial impact can last for 10-20 years while the survivor works to repair or build credit, build assets and secure housing, childcare and transportation.
• The emotional impact last a lifetime.

Leaving is not easy. It involves many internal and external factors.
Internal factors include: maintaining a household, religion, children’s relationships, feeling responsible for a partner’s welfare, love and fear.
External factors are often economic in nature and include: lack of money, lack of housing, lack of employment, community pressures and lack of support from criminal justice agencies.
A complex combination of psychological, cultural, religious, familial and economic factors contribute to a victim’s decision to remain in or leave an abusive relationship. Behind fear, domestic violence victims frequently cite income, employment and financial stability as the strongest, most immediate deterrents to leaving abusive situations. The devastation of leaving a home, income, benefits and economic security behind are scenarios that all victims of domestic violence must overcome, regardless of their education, job skills and personal earning potential, if they are to care for their families and live more safe and secure lives.
The struggles of victims and survivors of domestic violence for economic empowerment reverberate throughout every community in this nation. Survivors and current victims of domestic violence are over-represented in the welfare population and many women and children are homeless because of domestic violence.
However, leaving an abusive situation often increases risk.

• Batterers escalate in their assaultive and coercive behaviors when the victim is trying to separate.
• The majority of homicides occur when the victim has left the abuser or is attempting to leave.
• The risk of being assaulted or stalked at the workplace increases as this may be the one place the batterer knows where to find the victim.

Help is available 24 hours a day by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline telephone number at 1–800–799–SAFE (7233). (Or call the hotline's TTY number at 1–800–787–3224.)

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month Read More »

http://www.thehotline.org/2010/10/1840/

Lost

NEVER would I have dreamed my life would be as it is. I am so lost right now. There are so many things going on inside it feels impossible to sort them out. Years of ABUSE and living with a mentally ill Borderline Personality Disordered person. The lies, deceit, deception, distortions, projections, and torment. I have worked diligently to keep my sanity. Reading, audios, introspection, counseling, and medications. The ironic thing is that the person with the illness needs to do all these, but the significant other (SO) is inevitably doing all the work. I pray that  it is not all for naught. I pray that I can help (maybe even save) someone along the way. If you are living with domestic violence there is help. http://www.thehotline.org/  If you are living with a person with a mental illness, please research it, keep yourself sane by getting away until that person gets help.
Links to information about Borderline Personality Disorder below:
http://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm
 http://www.mental-health-matters.com/tag/narcissistic-personality-disorder

The Path is Hard but The Blogger is Harder

LOL It has taken me several days to figure out this blogger. I hope I have it right now. My path is hard, but this blogger sure confounded me..maybe I can finally now start venting all these feelings, sharing my pain, healing, and possibly help others along the way...as I help myself.

Starting on my Healing Path

I am starting a blog so that I can share my life experiences. Not only because I need to do this to work on my own healing but hopefully to help others through theirs. I have to believe there must be a reason for everything I have experienced or it has all been for naught. I am hoping that these blogs will help me work through and understand the lessons that have been learned so I can discover my purpose and assist others through their pain. I hope to blog my way out of the ashes and into beauty, strength, and peace.