Keith Urban - Stupid Boy (LIVE).avi

The Courage to be Free

1.  Stop looking for other people's approval to determine your own self worth. Trying to please those who cannot, will not, or are unable to recognize your worth, is like giving a gift to someone who looks at the price tag before they decide if they like it.

2. Stop feeling responsible for the happiness or unhappiness of others. You cannot do or say anything to people who CHOOSE to be miserable. They will NEVER be happy.

3.  Stop thinking you can change what happened yesterday by reliving it today…or talking about it…it only keeps you in the past and you miss the beauty of the present moment.

4.  Stop spending time with people who have agreed to live with negative states. Genuinely cheerful people are contagious. Birds of a feather…Flock with the eagles not the chickens.

5. Stop believing you can only be as successful as you are willing to push yourself through life. Push always comes to shove…and feeling pressured. Little successes lead to progress and big rewards with minimal effort.

6.  Stop explaining or justifying your actions to yourself or others. Fault finders will pick you apart by finding every flaw in your armor and attacking you in those areas.


I think this is from the Guy Finley website...I just embelished  it with some of my own thoughts.
Guy Finley's Website HERE

A Letter I Wrote in 2005!

 I found this old letter on my computer last night. It is a post I made in 2005 to A Borderline Personality Forum for loved ones dealing with the mental illness. It was when I first discovered what I was dealing with and a light bulb went on.  I cannot fathom that I had so much insight to the problem, but still continued to stay. I believe it has to do with fear and the cycle of abuse. Please read and comment.

Since finding this group and reading all the information on BP I feel I have been addressing the issue in my mind 24/7. I feel I have to take a break and just live. Is that wrong?

It has been a long, long time since I have felt 'normal'. I am continually hyper-vigilant and in a state of high alert. It is exhausting. I am always worried about what is going to happen next. I try to let go so that I can just be, but I always feel I must be 'on guard'. Always wondering when the next tirade, affair, or episode will happen and how it is going to effect me. I have come to a place where anxiety is my constant companion and it is a continuous struggle to keep it at bay. There are several times a day when I 'catch' myself feeling at peace and healthy. Mostly when I am in my element being who I am rather than who someone wants me to be and interacting with 'normal' people. Even then I wonder when or what will steal the sense of peace from me.

I have always felt (in my heart of hearts) that it was hopeless (the relationship). I know that it is harming me. This everlasting roller coaster ride. I want to get off but I am strapped in and the ride won’t stop long enough to let me jump out safely.

I have discovered in my reading all the dynamics of what has been happening. I am dealing with a NBP person and now I see that I am only his secondary narcissistic supply. He is on a never-ending quest to find something or someone to fill that gaping hole in his soul. Whether it is a recent purchase (spending spree) or girlfriend (conquest) that he acquires to anesthetize his wounds they will never be healed. I am just the tourniquet that stops him from bleeding to death. He clings to me only to stop the insanity from spiraling out of control. I am the only normalcy he has ever had and even though he desires sanity, it is unfamiliar to him and he cannot walk with it very long. I think becoming sane would cause an awareness of his past wrongs that would drive him over the edge.

Once you become conscious you must acknowledge and process your past. You must learn from it as painful as that may be. To them avoiding the pain it is so much easier. To remain in the dark grasping at things you think will keep you safe. Too fearful to turn on the lights because of the awful things you think are lurking in the recesses of every corner. Call it evasion, avoidance, or denial it is a precarious place to live. We all have lived in this place at one time or another. Unfortunately the BP person has taken up residence in this dark place permanently.   

I myself am starting to pull up the shades and crack the door to illuminate this horrific place I have been dwelling. The floor is scattered with the debris of broken dreams. The light reveals the rubble and craters I have stumbled on and into for so long. The corners are covered with the web of lies I have been told and lies I have told myself. The closets are filled with lost hope and pictures, frozen in time, of one disappointment after another. The walls are coated with hideous hues of illusion that mock me. The light exposes the mess I have been residing in. It is irreparable.  So I endeavor to clear a path attempting to sidestep all the pitfalls. I focus intently at the task at hand because to take it all in is overwhelming and seems impossible. It is hard work finding my way out of this place.  So I close my eyes in an attempt to recover and gain additional strength for the next chore. But my captor watches my every effort and attempts to thwart my progress. When my eyes are closed I wake to another thing crashing to the floor or additional debris dumped in my path. Ironically after my captor quits gloating he also picks me up and dusts me off, gives me crumbs for sustenance. I gratefully accept them, not knowing that his purpose is to keep me around because he dreads living in this horrible place alone. (In his head and his life)

I now realize that there is a light above me that beckons. It tells me the way is up and out. No need to bloody my fingers whilst scraping and clawing my way to the door. Freedom awaits in the light. The mess and the damage can eventually be left behind by rising above it all and never looking back. I just have to realize this isn’t my home or my reality. If I believe in myself and allow myself to be guided to my reality, I will soon find my haven…CATHARSIS! (definition below)

ca·thar·sis [ kə tha’arssiss ] noun

Definition:

1. emotional release: an experience or feeling of spiritual release and purification brought about by an intense emotional experience

2. emotional purification through Greek tragedy: according to Aristotle, a purifying of the emotions that is brought about in the audience of a tragic drama through the evocation of intense fear and pity

3. psychological purging of complexes: in psychology, the process of bringing to the surface repressed emotions, complexes, and feelings in an effort to identify and relieve them, or the result of this process. Getting rid of feelings by expressing them. The process of expressing strong feelings that have been affecting you so that they do not upset you anymore.

Synonyms: release, purification, cleansing, purging, purgation, liberation, freeing up

Mental Bullying in Borderline Personality Dysfunction

I never thought of myself as being bullied all these years, but that is truly what it is. I felt as though I was the little kid on the block that had to avoid the local bully that loved to taunt and tease endlessly. You know the kind...he torments you when he feels like it, then acts nice when he wants a piece of gum or to copy your homework. It's all about him. Selfish little PR^CK!
Mental Bullying in Borderline Personality Dysfunction

Here is the ultimate video about BULLYING...click to watch on youtube.
tHOUGHTLESS BY kORN